just finished my 43rd book of the year; currently helping administer an idea for a confederation of websites and we just got our Loomio set up
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Some good, some more bad. But slowly regaining myself and my free time. Been too damn hectic.
Been sick for 13 days, went in to urgent care yesterday because it had progressed to a sore throat in the last few days and turns out it’s strep. Glad I’m on antibiotics and hoping to feel better soon.
I hope it passes quickly and you can get some good rest over the next few days!
Nice! 43 is a massive achievement! I am going to finish my third book of the year this week. One of those three was the lotr omnibus though, now finished the last chapter of Giod Omens, but nevertheles, I wish I could read as much as you do.
i haven’t read a book in a couple years, idk why just haven’t been drawn to spend my time in that way. I admire both of you for your dedication!
Bleeeh 🤷 Really wishing I could play certain games. Am missing ESO really hard latelish 😅 Money concerns getting real nasty. Bills piling up upon themselves. Local cash assistance stuff has been unhelpful and I don’t know what to do about that. Finally got a therapist… who seems to be just kinda going through paperwork with nothing to say of her own and no actually listening/talking to me. Just, y’know, filling out forms kinda stuff. For hours at a time @.@ Idunno if it’s really supposed to be like this for the first several appointments but I just feel like I’m not going to get any actual help from her. I think my way forward right now is to get onto SSI and see a psychiatrist and a therapist who’s actually good for me, but I’m kinda afraid to say any of that to her (and make myself look like I’m just looking for free money or something, and… Idunno just vibes-wise, I guess, I feel like she’s not exactly eager to help) and don’t know what else to do 🤷 :-\ So I’m just kinda stuck in this “Well, now what?” spot trying not to think about how unlikely it is that I’ll be able to escape more awful messness. Even having debt collectors to look forward to sounds like torture, given some of my problems.
Bleh. Very bleh! Double bleh with an ugh on top. Also maybe a little grr. frusses noisily, then skitters into a nearby cloud 😶🌫️
Finally got a therapist… who seems to be just kinda going through paperwork with nothing to say of her own and no actually listening/talking to me. Just, y’know, filling out forms kinda stuff. For hours at a time @.@ Idunno if it’s really supposed to be like this for the first several appointments but I just feel like I’m not going to get any actual help from her.
It is not supposed to feel like that. Sorry to hear that! My first therapist was not the best for me, but even still I remember being excited and energized about therapy after the very first session and many more after. I think your goal of finding a NEW therapist is a smart one! I’m sorry about the struggles you are going through, I hope it turns around soonish ❤
What’s preventing you from playing ESO?
Thankies! Calling and going are hugely difficult for me so finding and setting up with a new one is gonna be rough. … If I can even bring myself to do it :-\ Bleeegh!
Can’t play ESO because I’ve only got my laptop and it just cannot run the game playably. Had to leave my (rather old but still vaguely capable) gaming box when I fled a few months ago. wobble Something that makes it even worse is knowing I could easily lose interest instantly upon loading the game back up 😅 Something I’ve put a lot of time into tends to fail to hold interest no matter how much I feel like I’ll love getting back into it, once I’ve left it. … I lose interest pretty quickly, unfortunately. Have to have new ways of doing things or I have no interest in doing them even if they’re new things. Finishing games is hard for me because there’s usually no growing or (mechanical) learning left to do at the end :-\
Thankies! Calling and going are hugely difficult for me so finding and setting up with a new one is gonna be rough. … If I can even bring myself to do it :-\ Bleeegh!
I am probably more neurotypical than you, and I absolutely have the same problem. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much, it is objectively difficult to do.
Can’t play ESO because I’ve only got my laptop and it just cannot run the game playably.
Ugh that stinks. There are probably tons of indie and other 2D games that would work though? Have any of those caught your interest at all lately?
I’ve been playing a lot of Space Empires IV 😅 Am gonna keep trying stuff. May have another pass at my Itch library. I’m just kinda missing Elder Scrolls specifically, I guess, and though I could play Daggerfall and/or Morrowind, they just make me miss ESO 😅 Maybe I’ll try anyway. scritches at imaginary itch 😟
I don’t even know if the ancient attic wiring up here could handle a gaming rig 😅
Also, making calls and going places isn’t just “difficult” for me. I get actually physically ill. Even (somewhat) medicated I can be stuck in the restroom anxing for an hour before going on a two-minute ride down the road to pick up snacks from the local shop. I will put off a simple call, incurring debts or penalties or whatever, for months or years just because I can’t get myself to press the button to call. A lot of people say “Oh, it’s like that for everyone” but it is not. “Everyone hates phones,” people tell me, but few dread them.
…Unless it’s like that for everyone and this world’s even more asinine that I’d realized. Surely there’s no way everyone’s just accepted being terrified constantly. Maybe they have and I’m the only rational person on Earth, baffled that the people around me think panic is normal and I’m weird for not accepting that 🤔 😮💨
wobbles away mumbling
it sounds like you are really going through a lot, and tbh i really admire your ability to maintain a playful attitude through it all!
RE: the games: I’m racking my brain and struggling a little bit to think of suggestions (not that you asked for them). I remember I was able to get Gothic II working on an old netbook back in the day, so older games like Space Empires are def the way to go!
I’m sorry about your anxiety issues 😔 I also have a (much less severe) anxiety disorder and am blessed to have meds that dramatically improved that for me. I find a lot of times, when I am anxious about something, it is really hard to get going but then much easier once i force myself to do the thing. It sounds like that may not be the case for you, but idk. Coping is a complicated system of tricking myself into starting things before i have time to anxious-spin about it.
I don’t really have a clear idea of “who I am” but I’m clearly some kinda weird goofy wiggly thingy at my core 😅 wiggles to illustrate
Also my thing is like yours, I clear up (or think I do) pretty quick once I’ve started. It’s just terrifying to start anything that isn’t very familiar :-\ I don’t quite even know the rules for that familiarity threshold. Bleh! 'Course, judging by my amazingly high blood pressure when I started getting that treated… could be I just get past a threshold and go from “super anxy” to “so anxy I can’t even feel it any more” 🤷 Is weird. Am weird. extra shrug to illustrate very-shrugness
Had a great weekend!
I started a D&D campaign with friends and it was a great first session. I love my character coming to life. There are some background things to figure out still but I love love playing them so the whole thing is already a big win in my book.
This week will be my final days of chilling at home before I start my new job next Tuesday. I’m excited to start doing something again after 2.5 months unemployed. Trying not to think about how tired I’ll be in 2 weeks from now 😅
Congrats on the new job AND new campaign! Both are really kind of a feat (heh), and you should be proud!!
Thank you :))
Week has been a fuckin mixed bag. At the moment, I’m at a specific combination of - drunk / high / angry at injustices / loving people for what they are trying to give - that makes me want to yell and cry and connect with people. But connections are also a mixed bag for me.
Pretty good: I finished reading Fauna which was wild. Spent the night in a nearby hotel with the family because of this hurricane: our house is surrounded by huge trees so we were worried.
Lil bit of a bummer, feels like I just exercise, work, and sleep. My limited free time has been spent on my family, which… ughhhh by the time I realized they mistreated me all my life and I hate them, they’d lost power over me, so basically they’re not pushing me around anymore and think we’re all friends, and I don’t know how to tell them that I’m retroactively spiteful. So I play nice.
Gonna try so hard to get some reading and drawing done in the coming days.
feels like I just exercise, work, and sleep
I feel that. If you have a job that gives you a balance of days off, make sure you are using those! I know i have been bad about that in the past and it contributed to burnout.
I realized they mistreated me all my life and I hate them…I don’t know how to tell them that I’m retroactively spiteful
This is really hard. I don’t know your whole situation, but this seems like the kind of situation where you will never really get to share your feelings with them unless they realize they made mistakes that they should apologize for. Otherwise, sharing your emotions seems like it’ll just lead to more mistreatment. But that’s just my two cents, and I’m no professional. I hope that reading and drawing is restorative for you ❤
My dickhead boss quit to go be a cop. I hope I can get back on salary after he’s gone.
dickhead boss confirmed he is a dickhead by changing careers to cop. ACAB
Started my full dose of girl pills this week so I’m on that hormonal transitionary period and shit is wild
hooray for titty sprinkles!
Yas girl!!
For a second I thought you were talking about writing, and I was like holy heck that’s a lot of books!
And well, it still is!
I’m excited. I’m going to see Green Day tonight! Plus Rancid and The Smashing Pumpkins
90s concert overload!! How long you been a Green Day fan? You a Dookie kid or an American Idiot kid?
I grew up in the same area so I knew them when they were Sweet Children! Can’t believe it’s been so long!
Dang that’s awesome! So this is extra special for you. The best concerts are the ones with bands that are about to blow up but haven’t just yet, imo
It was soooo good!
Today is my birthday! so wish me a happy birthday
Took a week off from work last week. Maybe you could tell because I wasn’t on Beehaw all the time posting stupid memes lol. Spent the week dogsitting for my parents. I packed my gaming PC and made some great progress in Dork Souls 2, and binged those Castlevania animes on Netflix. I love to match “vibes” like this across my media I’m consuming. I also took the opportunity to take a lil t-break from the devil’s lettuce, and i’m definitely better off for it. Most importantly, I got in lots of R&R and I feel more rested, happy, and creative than I have in months. Back at work now and amazed how much easier my job is when i’m not constantly fighting burnout.
Happy birthday! wiggles happy-wishily!
Happy bday!!!
Happy belated!
had some really icky back pain last week, so i’ve been trying to do yoga in the mornings before work.
jean got another title and i fostered a puppy over the weekend.
picked up a dog bike trailer yesterday from a friend, and i started teaching echo (border collie) how to sit/stand/lay calmly in it this afternoon in the driveway. hoping she will enjoy it!
omg shut up that puppy is so cute. And Jean looks so proud!!
