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screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.
How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?
Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.
I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it’s a shitpost everyone’s ok with sharing their expertise. 😂
New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you’re being ironic.
It would take a couple of weeks but if you go out and vote it could function.
What
I guessed it was about a certain person who’s in the news a lot right now before the american election… I’m potentially totally wrong.
There is absolutely zero likelihood Trump is 165lbs. Try 1.5x that, at the very least.
Also he is not nearly as tall as he claims to be.
Also he is not nearly as ________ as he claims to be.
fill in the blank with anything he’s ever claimed to be
Must’ve mixed up kilos and american freedom units 😅 and similar for height…
Depending on climate and soil type, you will need to dig a 3’wx6’lx3-6d hole. USFS land is great for this. Place nude cadaver in hole and coat with 10-15lbs of lye. Refill hole with excavated soil to approximate level of surrounding area. Disperse excess soil thinly over a wide area. Finally, cover disturbed soil with natural debris from the surrounding area, such as pine needles, leaves, twigs, etc.
“light mode”
Well done, you have managed to dazzle the blind.
:3
You make no sense, son of chronos.
I dont have a gender actually
So you represent the concept, not the youngest son of chronos?
Sure
IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog’s handlers).
Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging
Fuck no, that would only encourage digging because it’s too suspicious.
By the animals not investigators…if they’re looking there you’re already fucked
Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”
Yeah that seems like it should work :D
Cadaver (or HRD) dog handler here. It’ll only confuse the cops, not the dog handler.
Wow, Reddit’s gotten really dark since last time I checked
I too, want to hide my body. Try wearing some clothes.
Right. I dont know why everyone assumes its a dead body.
Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.
They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?
That’s a quote from the movie Snatch
Vinny: “Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?”
Well, that’s just painful.
I just rewatched that classic yesterday
Though I’d suspect you do want it in the deep freezer for some period of time, it makes the whole “blood and innards” thing much less of an issue to deal with I’d think. At least for chopping and/or bagging
So what you do NOT want to do is try to dismantle the torso. You pop the peritoneum and everything will kind of come out like a poorly wrapped burrito and you’ll have a right mess on your hands.
Oh absolutely, legs, arms, and head are still full of messy stuff though.
Classic.
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Second best monolog in that movie. The Desert Eagle vs Replica scene is still my favorite.
I like the part when Brad Pitt says “aslkdjhgfaledkjfhgawserlfkjhawuigh?”
pwikenlebleuformmemem
Damn, this guy crimes. I’m impressed.
It’s from the movie Snatch. Banger of a classic!
I think getting teeth out of a dead body’s skull would be more difficult and shittier than sifting through the pig shit afterwards.
Sixteen pigs? Farm animals are expensive and so are farms. I don’t doubt pigs are a good way to dispose of a body but if you’re that well off, surely there are even more foolproof methods available.
Someone has never seen Snatch, have they?
Do you know what “nemesis” means?
“Horrible star trek movie”?
“A righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt; me.”
So you call yourself fuxk spez yet you kust copy/paste your comments from older comments in the same thread?
I copied and pasted my comment from IMDb and then discovered someone else had already posted it. If I was that lazy I wouldn’t have bothered removing the other person’s line breaks.
Someone else posted the same comment 4 hours before.
I’m not sure how I didn’t notice that but thanks.
– Snatch
I’d tell you, but I don’t want to be on another list.
The “Weekend at Bernie’s” method seems to be working well enough already.
It worked with Biden for about 3 years before people noticed. (Poor form, I know, but couldn’t resist.)
We do a bit of pension fraud
Very obvious…You hide the body at the cemetery
wait I’ve never thought about this
Move it to heaven or hell.
If I answer that, then you’ll find all the other ones.
