inb4 “if it’s legal it’s not a crime”

  • lattrommi@lemmy.mlEnglish
    0·
    2 months ago

    Crime means breaking the law, correct?

    No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.

    I would:

    • expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
    • transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
    • alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that’s selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
    • one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
    • remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
    • create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
    • hold hands with two chicks at the same time

    It’s fun to dream of the impossible.

  • IHave69XiBucks@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    2 months ago

    I would steal a single nuclear icbm and take it to a pizza hut and just leave it there. Just seems like it would cause some interesting conversations.

  • Jourei@lemm.eeEnglish
    0·
    2 months ago

    Man, I gotta brew something up in case a Crime Day comes up.

    I’d like to do some proper money laundering but I’d need dirty money first. Idk, if skill wasn’t an issue, I’d hack the bank and erase my debt? No, make the bank owe ME.

      • 🔰Hurling⚜️Durling🔱@lemmy.world
        0·
        2 months ago

        If you think billionares have like money in a bank scrooge mcduck style, we’ll I have some sad news for you, they effectively are broke to a normal persons point of view (how much actual cash they have).

        Instead they have their “wealth” as stock ownership of companies, get a loan from a bank for whatever they want to buy, and then just pay it back with the growing value of their stocks, that’s how they don’t pay taxes in the US and still get to buy whatever the fuck they want.

        Basically, something like this. https://youtu.be/t6V9i8fFADI

        • xmunk@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          2 months ago

          Oh, I’m well aware. When I say “Rob Musk” I was thinking of forcing a stock transfer rather than going after his pocket change.

  • PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.ukOP
    0·
    2 months ago

    I know of an exploit on a horribly designed website for a national car park company that would allow me to write a script that would effectively give me and anyone else i know free parking for ever for all car parks administered by this company in the country.

    So i’d do that

    • Corngood@lemmy.ml
      0·
      2 months ago

      I love that you have a very specific and arguably moral crime in mind, and it inspired this post.

      • PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.ukOP
        0·
        2 months ago

        tbh, i was inspired by a post with the same title while lurking on reddit. i have a rule about not posting there though so i bought the converation here

  • Kwakigra@beehaw.org
    0·
    2 months ago

    It the best day of the year to get rich from the imaginary economy of assets. Set a bot to match the trades of some people who will be insider trading and cash in every year.

      • Kwakigra@beehaw.org
        0·
        2 months ago

        The difference is that on most days people would need to hide their inside trades. One day a year it would all be out in the open because nothing could happen to anyone. It would wreck the economy and collect wealth in the hands of those who already have it, but if you ride the corruption wave you may not end up among the have-nots.

          • Kwakigra@beehaw.org
            0·
            2 months ago

            This I think is wishful thinking. If they already made the trade and profited, they’re not going to care about the people scooping according to what they did. If the followers-on like me overinflate or kill the asset depending on what the cheater did all it would do is damage the economy. If you are in a position of aristocratic privilege such that insider trading is possible for you, destroying the economy is an opportunity to acquire assets at a bargain.

            • CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org
              0·
              2 months ago

              Depends on the trade. If they sell before a stock collapses, that’s true. They better do it before all the other insiders do, though - and you better be the quickest too. Like, microseconds quick, if your strategy is just to copy them 1:1. If they’re doing something multi-step it becomes a game where they have to be careful to preserve their information advantage, or it becomes worthless.