Not a church service, but I attended a church wedding.
Pastor gave a sermon as is tradition during a church wedding. Every minute or so, he somehow managed to work in “and since you are in a place of God, you should not disrespect the bride and groom or our worshippers by using your phones”.
Bitch, I’m here to support my friend who’s getting married, not your church or your worshippers. I know for a fact that my friend chose to get married in the church because it’s cheaper, not because she’s super religious. Also I’m agnostic and haven’t read the Bible, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say “thou shalt not use mobile phones in churches”.
I very pointedly had my phone out for his entire sermon out of spite
If your friends didn’t care, fine I guess, it was their wedding after all. If you don’t understand why this makes you look selfish and callous though, then you’re not the kind of person I’d want at any party, let alone a wedding.
Imagine not being able to leave your phone in your pocket just for the duration of your friends’ wedding ceremony, irrespective of the location. Insufferable behaviour.
I’m sure your friends felt great knowing that Facebook was more important than their wedding ceremony.
There was the one where the guy said “feminism is the worst thing that has ever happened to women.”
The one where the guy said “[Jesus] rolled away the stone and crawled out of his tomb fully healed even though his legs were broken” was pretty interesting giving the blatant blasphemy of it all. He has to apologize next week.
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All of them
The one when it was my job to carry the crackers for communion up to the alter. About a half down slid off the plate when I turned.
I ripped one on a pew during a Christmas eve service once
I’ve got a bunch of horror stories that take some detail to explain, but I remember a couple moments of shock in particular.
Was actually a Methodist service, Easter Sunday. it was when they cut a baby lamb’s throat and it bled. It was great special effects with a real lamb but children started crying.
Also, the time we all went to see Passion of the Christ, 9:00 or 10:00pm showing. There was a mother smacking the shit out of her toddler for crying when the torture started. I’m a different person now and would put a stop to something like that now.
That one where Trump held up a bible
What wouldn’t he do?
I might be mixing up events, but I thought that it was a photo-op when mass protests were happening in D.C. You know… appeal to the Christians. Am I mixing it up with something else?
No I just thought it was funny. But in reality the worst “sermon” (so to speak) I attended was when the speaker started going off about men in tight pants and women in “spanx”. He very clearly didn’t understand what spanx were and was most likely talking about yoga pants. That’s not even to mention the homophobic rant where he implied that all fashion designers were perverted gay men who designed tight pants so that they could look lustfully at other men in tight pants
This reminds me of a tweet I saw where a pastor was saying that “it’s a good thing that homosexuality is against God’s law cuz if it weren’t guys would just be banging each other left and right” and the person who was reposting it said “I know something about you that you don’t know”
Some homophobes don’t believe in the existence of straight people.
All of them except the one where they handed me a collection plate and thought they were giving me the money so I took it.
After looking up how much money my local megachurch took in last year ($60 mil) versus how much they spent on charity ($3 mil), I think you were probably justified.
I didn’t grow up in a church that had one of those. So I’ve always wondered what would they do if you came to Sunday service, in a hobo outfit and took some of the money in the collection plate. The defense being, ‘What? I’m poor. I’m homeless. Jesus would have given.’
I was around 9 or 10 when this happened. I went with my best friend and his mother. Everyone made a big deal about there being someone new at the church. Then i was handed a gold plate bowl thing of money, so i started stuffing handfuls of money into my pockets thinking everyone was welcoming me with cash. My friend was giggling, i looked at his mother and she was shaking her head. I passed the plate along but kept what was in my pockets.
I’ve seen a collection plate with a tap-to-pay terminal so that would make it more difficult.
Nowadays? Depends on a whole set of indeterminate variables.
But odds point to tazing. arrest, something on that end of the spectrum.
More likely to depend on region of the country or world than anything else.
It was right around the release of Star Wars Episode I, and the new pastor thought if he brought modern pop culture references into his sermon, maybe The Youths would sit up and pay attention.
The sermon was a whole thing about “being a Jedi Knight for God” and it was insufferable. I’m not sure time has ever gone by slower. I was twelve and absolutely not won over, I wanted to crawl out of the pew and die.
maybe The Youths would sit up and pay attention.
Pew or pew not - there was no die.
I unironically loved that shit when I was like 5
Could be hot Texas southern Baptist sermons running way too long while we all fan ourselves with paper fans we made from the printed agenda, or maybe it was a lively one on some random church-hopping day with speaking in tongues and prophets translating, or maybe it was one where my uncle said shit that was masked condescension cast towards his kids, or or or. It was definitely NOT one where I “went to the bathroom” but actually went hiking.
When i was six i had to sit in my own poop for an hour long sermon because nobody would let me get up to go. Course they also had to sit in it with no reaction heh
That is outright neglect. That level of strictness is just ridiculous. If they really wanted you to sit and listen, and take the sermon seriously, you certainly can’t do that while sitting on a turd, while also having the attention span and understanding of a six-year-old.
Learning about Jesus while your underpants are full of poop is a good way to make a negative association.
Seeing that religion is generally full of shit, I find some irony in this scenario.
Yeah the 60s were a different wotld heh
Being a kid with ADHD, all of them. Each and every service drove me to the brink of insanity. I stopped going once I was old enough to decide for myself.
I was raised religion-free, my mother didn’t push any beliefs on me (one of the few things she did right) so I grew up as a natural atheist. One Easter when I was very young, I don’t remember how young precisely but I was probably 10 or younger, one of our neighbor families offered to take me to church for Mass. I guess they thought they were going to save my soul or something. My mother left the decision up to me. Now, in my mind Easter was bunnies and candy and egg hunts and all that good stuff so hell yes, I wanted to go. I don’t know what I expected but what I definitely didn’t expect was sitting quietly on an uncomfortable bench for (what seemed like to me) four hours while some guy talked at me. If I wasn’t an atheist before that would have sealed the deal.
Nothing stands out in particular, they were all pretty dull. Haven’t attended one ever since I was 16 and could make my own choices.
