I used to do HVAC work. About twenty years ago, I had to fix something in an attic, and the only entrance to that attic was through a large, messy room that obviously belonged to a teenage boy. At first, it seemed normal. Eventually, though, I realized everything in that boy’s room was kinda outdated. The CDs and magazines lying around had all come out a few years before, for example.
After finishing the job, I asked my boss about it. He told me that the kid had died a few years before from autoerotic asphyxiation (he accidentally strangled himself to death while jerking off), and his mother had found his body. She insisted that his room remain just as it was. She maintained it as some kind of shrine, unmade bed, jeans on the floor and all.
I couldn’t even imagine the emotional toll that must have taken on the family. Every. Single. Day. She refused to let them heal and move on. I only met the mother briefly, before I knew the whole story. I never met the husband or sister. I’m glad. Even if I was bribed to go back in that house, you couldn’t pay me enough to go upstairs. That kid’s room was, without exaggeration, the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
To me personally, it’s a difference in the function of a room versus photos. Photos were always intended to capture memories, whereas a room was meant to be used and lived in. The idea of keeping the room as it was, permanently, feels like stagnation to me. I worry once it stopped being a comforting space, I still couldn’t bring myself to do anything with it because it would reopen the wound, so I’d just ignore it and live around it, and the feeling of stagnation would grow heavier.
But also everyone grieves differently, and I’ve never lost a child, so I can only guess how I’d grieve based on how I’ve grieved other relationships. It’s possible no one in that family feels the way I described. That’s just my best answer for why it sounds creepy to a bunch of us.
Thank you. I’ve never lost a child either, and I’m not a therapist. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this happening, though, so I was surprised at the reaction.
It’s an awkward situation for sure. I’m trying to imagine what could be done with the room if they cleaned it out. All I can think is that they could never convert it into a room that they would want to spend time in, and the only alternative seems to be storage which almost seems disrespectful to the memory.
Yeah. I mostly just thought this was a sweet memorial. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in denial or anything, they just want to keep a piece of him there like most grieving people do.
In this specific case, it actually seems fine to me. Like the other poster said, what are they supposed to do, turn their dead son’s room into a home theater? I’m sure that won’t put a damper on movie night. /s
As it is, it serves as a much more immersive version of a photograph. I don’t see the harm.
Yeah. So sad that I didn’t like writing about it, but HAD to get it right, ya know?
The daughter’s room was way at the end of the hallway, so she had to walk past it every day. She was the younger of the two, but had become older than her brother was when he died. In fact, she was ready for college. I hope she got out of there and lived on campus.
I used to do HVAC work. About twenty years ago, I had to fix something in an attic, and the only entrance to that attic was through a large, messy room that obviously belonged to a teenage boy. At first, it seemed normal. Eventually, though, I realized everything in that boy’s room was kinda outdated. The CDs and magazines lying around had all come out a few years before, for example.
After finishing the job, I asked my boss about it. He told me that the kid had died a few years before from autoerotic asphyxiation (he accidentally strangled himself to death while jerking off), and his mother had found his body. She insisted that his room remain just as it was. She maintained it as some kind of shrine, unmade bed, jeans on the floor and all.
I couldn’t even imagine the emotional toll that must have taken on the family. Every. Single. Day. She refused to let them heal and move on. I only met the mother briefly, before I knew the whole story. I never met the husband or sister. I’m glad. Even if I was bribed to go back in that house, you couldn’t pay me enough to go upstairs. That kid’s room was, without exaggeration, the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
I’m not getting it. Creepy how?
Creepy in the sense that keeping the room intact was a monument to pain, and handling that pain in an incredibly unhealthy way. It’s just too sad.
If they just moved on and cleaned the room out, it would be fine. I’m not talking about ghosts or any crap like that.
You know, I don’t really see the harm. How is this not just a scaled up version of keeping pictures?
To me personally, it’s a difference in the function of a room versus photos. Photos were always intended to capture memories, whereas a room was meant to be used and lived in. The idea of keeping the room as it was, permanently, feels like stagnation to me. I worry once it stopped being a comforting space, I still couldn’t bring myself to do anything with it because it would reopen the wound, so I’d just ignore it and live around it, and the feeling of stagnation would grow heavier.
But also everyone grieves differently, and I’ve never lost a child, so I can only guess how I’d grieve based on how I’ve grieved other relationships. It’s possible no one in that family feels the way I described. That’s just my best answer for why it sounds creepy to a bunch of us.
Thank you. I’ve never lost a child either, and I’m not a therapist. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this happening, though, so I was surprised at the reaction.
Scale is not unimportant
It’s not, but if a sudden change in acceptability happens do to a continuous change in scale, I feel very comfortable asking why.
It’s an awkward situation for sure. I’m trying to imagine what could be done with the room if they cleaned it out. All I can think is that they could never convert it into a room that they would want to spend time in, and the only alternative seems to be storage which almost seems disrespectful to the memory.
Yeah. I mostly just thought this was a sweet memorial. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in denial or anything, they just want to keep a piece of him there like most grieving people do.
There’s a difference between some photos and keeping an entire grungy room as a shrine.
And besides scale, what is it?
Don’t be stubborn. I think you can intellectually understand there’s a big difference between the two.
In this specific case, it actually seems fine to me. Like the other poster said, what are they supposed to do, turn their dead son’s room into a home theater? I’m sure that won’t put a damper on movie night. /s
As it is, it serves as a much more immersive version of a photograph. I don’t see the harm.
what kind of explanation are you looking for. that just comes off creepy for some of us
Ah okay, thanks for the extra context
Glad to help! It could be read as the setup for a cheesy horror story.
Wow. That is really sad.
Yeah. So sad that I didn’t like writing about it, but HAD to get it right, ya know?
The daughter’s room was way at the end of the hallway, so she had to walk past it every day. She was the younger of the two, but had become older than her brother was when he died. In fact, she was ready for college. I hope she got out of there and lived on campus.