You’re being downvoting because people believe in the “romantic ideal” and never analyzed how relationships really look like for a large number of people.
What you write about is not a good thing but unfortunately that’s how most people practice relationships.
Well “most” might be a too strong of a qualifier. Depends a lot on the culture. If you come from a culture where marriage is so important that’s almost mandatory, the above kind of relationship is inevitable.
Some of those cons could be true, but I think the bigger problem is that they only listed “sex and money” as the only pros.
What are you doing in a relationship if that person isn’t basically a really good friend that you can laugh with, do hobbies with, watch and talk about movies with, share music with, etc.
Sure you might have to hang out with mutual friends you don’t love (Though a good partner won’t force you to). You do need to spend time on their hobbies and likes if you don’t specifically share them. I’m not sure if I can vouch for the rest, though, those are some cons where you need to be really selective and find like minds to be with (don’t like to speak very often).
the other two (manipulated for sex, fear of divorce) are more like things you should go to therapy to learn not to tolerate or worry about, respectively.
Absolutely, I agree with you completely.
And I actually believe finding a life partner is possible. There are good examples out there.
It’s just when you come from a, let’s call it heteronormative (word of the day) environment, you are constantly pressured into being in a relationship. With anyone. Doesn’t matter if you want it. It leads to awful mental health.
That and if the idea of being lonely frightens you or makes you sad it can be easy to want to latch onto anyone, that’s really easy to fall into.
Also, unless they meant fear of breaking up, there’s no need to fear being divorced if you just don’t get married. Not everybody wants or needs to get married, that also sort of falls into the “take your time and really assess the partner” idea
I’ve said this before, my mother and father weren’t friends. Yet they were married for 11 years. That’s more than many friends being married. Is not necessary.
I don’t wanna people around besides my partner and I don’t want her relatives around me. It seems like these days is impossible to have a relationship that is just you and your woman, or you and your man and that’s it. There’s always someone else.
How exactly do you expect to find someone who you want to be around when you by your own admission hate literally all interactions with other people? Newsflash: sex is a social interaction. Are you imagining that she’s just going to pop out of a lamp like a Genie? And where does she go after you blow your load? Do you just put her back in the closet like a blow-up doll?
Just admit that what you really want is a sex worker and be honest. It sounds like you have no interest in tolerating someone else’s presence unless they are actively banging you. A relationship is about so much more than just sex.
So does that extend to her friends as well? Or is it just family you have a problem with? Also, is it about family that is constantly around and in your business or just that the family feels like they’re part of the relationship too?
Not funny. You really think you’re better than me only because you want to fit in? You thinking that anyone who thinks different than you is childish, IS CHILDISH.
I find this perspective unfortunate. It is interesting to see how other people view relationships, but I’m not sure I like what I see. This doesn’t seem healthy.
Majority of things we do aren’t healthy. Also maybe for the fragile isn’t healthy, but for me it is. Be loyal to me, I’m loyal to you, love me and I’ll love you, belong to me and I’ll belong to you, that’s it. Why complicate things with more bullshit?
For real. Sex is great, sure. What I want for all of the parts of the relationship that aren’t having sex is mostly just someone I really like hanging out with
Incel doesn’t exactly only mean hating woman, incel is basically why you’re still single, then you blame it on everything else other than you, hating woman are just a part of it. If someone doesn’t want to accept your way of living, then find someone else.
I’m not blaming anything. I’m well aware what an average semi attractive woman wants from a man. I will never be those things. That’s not me, I never cared about being those things.
You’re a minority, women want most of the time chatting and socially active strong men able to carry a conversation, manly enough to create a home and have a decent amount of money but delicate enough to be romantic. I can’t do any of those things. Admit it, that’s the majority of women.
This is an incel attitude. The notion that “all women” want any single thing, let alone this caricature is gross. It’s insulting to women and men alike, and betrays that your mindset is immature, ill-informed, and toxic.
women want most of the time chatting and socially active strong men able to carry a conversation, manly enough to create a home and have a decent amount of money but delicate enough to be romantic.
That is also what I thought. And I was mostly wrong.
Everyone is unique. Stereotypes usually exist for reasons, but exceptions are much more common than I realized.
I am, genuinely, several of those things, at least a small fraction of the time.
But that’s not my secret.
I’ll share my key attributes that really worked:
My current partner lived in a shitty situation. Physically shitty. I fixed a bunch of gaps in the walls with a can a “great stuff”. We were just friends at the time, and I wasn’t looking for anything. It’s just something I knew how to do, and my friend’s friend (now my long term partner) needed it done. I was fucking clueless how much this meant to them, at the time.
Presently, how I maintain my relationship:
I’m sometimes really deeply shitty at talking to people, so I usually use few words and choose them carefully. My (valid) fear of fucking up is a kind of super power for avoiding dumb partner fights.
I still fix stuff. I’m not afraid of getting dirty, and YouTube academy has been very good to me.
I ask questions during any kind of physical interaction. Mainly “do you want to be touched there?” and “How does that feel?”
I still follow a strict budget, even though I now make good money. I’ve heard money fights are a big thing, but making and mostly sticking to a written budget has let me dodge that bullet.
Stereotype exist because it’s a reality. You being lucky has nothing to do with that. I could try to do what you had done 50 times without any results.
I’ve never been in a relationship. I know this by proxy, average, heard things, data. You don’t need to be in a relationship to notice these things dude. Again, if the requirements for a relationship would be as low as the other dude says they were, then people like me wouldn’t exist.
Losing your virginity, sex and reproduction for what I’ve seen.
The need to put up with other people’s shit. Sacrifice your “me” time.
You’re being downvoting because people believe in the “romantic ideal” and never analyzed how relationships really look like for a large number of people.
What you write about is not a good thing but unfortunately that’s how most people practice relationships.
Well “most” might be a too strong of a qualifier. Depends a lot on the culture. If you come from a culture where marriage is so important that’s almost mandatory, the above kind of relationship is inevitable.
Some of those cons could be true, but I think the bigger problem is that they only listed “sex and money” as the only pros.
What are you doing in a relationship if that person isn’t basically a really good friend that you can laugh with, do hobbies with, watch and talk about movies with, share music with, etc.
Sure you might have to hang out with mutual friends you don’t love (Though a good partner won’t force you to). You do need to spend time on their hobbies and likes if you don’t specifically share them. I’m not sure if I can vouch for the rest, though, those are some cons where you need to be really selective and find like minds to be with (don’t like to speak very often).
the other two (manipulated for sex, fear of divorce) are more like things you should go to therapy to learn not to tolerate or worry about, respectively.
Absolutely, I agree with you completely. And I actually believe finding a life partner is possible. There are good examples out there.
It’s just when you come from a, let’s call it heteronormative (word of the day) environment, you are constantly pressured into being in a relationship. With anyone. Doesn’t matter if you want it. It leads to awful mental health.
That and if the idea of being lonely frightens you or makes you sad it can be easy to want to latch onto anyone, that’s really easy to fall into.
Also, unless they meant fear of breaking up, there’s no need to fear being divorced if you just don’t get married. Not everybody wants or needs to get married, that also sort of falls into the “take your time and really assess the partner” idea
I’ve said this before, my mother and father weren’t friends. Yet they were married for 11 years. That’s more than many friends being married. Is not necessary.
It’s not necessary, no, but it can totally be a pro, unless you just don’t want to be friends with your lover.
Basically what I’ve said, some people don’t want friends.
So are you a loner or you don’t want a friend who is constantly around?
I don’t wanna people around besides my partner and I don’t want her relatives around me. It seems like these days is impossible to have a relationship that is just you and your woman, or you and your man and that’s it. There’s always someone else.
How exactly do you expect to find someone who you want to be around when you by your own admission hate literally all interactions with other people? Newsflash: sex is a social interaction. Are you imagining that she’s just going to pop out of a lamp like a Genie? And where does she go after you blow your load? Do you just put her back in the closet like a blow-up doll?
Just admit that what you really want is a sex worker and be honest. It sounds like you have no interest in tolerating someone else’s presence unless they are actively banging you. A relationship is about so much more than just sex.
So does that extend to her friends as well? Or is it just family you have a problem with? Also, is it about family that is constantly around and in your business or just that the family feels like they’re part of the relationship too?
Put this on the positive list. Usually this makes you stronger and a better person.
Is not a positive, ESPECIALLY if you don’t want to. Also not everyone wants to be a better person.
OK, so it is a positive ESPECIALLY for the ones who just come out of a childish defiant phase… ;-)
Not funny. You really think you’re better than me only because you want to fit in? You thinking that anyone who thinks different than you is childish, IS CHILDISH.
Bullshit. That was your intention.
I find this perspective unfortunate. It is interesting to see how other people view relationships, but I’m not sure I like what I see. This doesn’t seem healthy.
Majority of things we do aren’t healthy. Also maybe for the fragile isn’t healthy, but for me it is. Be loyal to me, I’m loyal to you, love me and I’ll love you, belong to me and I’ll belong to you, that’s it. Why complicate things with more bullshit?
Very incel way of looking at relationship.
For real. Sex is great, sure. What I want for all of the parts of the relationship that aren’t having sex is mostly just someone I really like hanging out with
That’s you though.
I don’t hate women. So no. I hate how that term is thrown if people don’t wanna accept your way of living.
Incel doesn’t exactly only mean hating woman, incel is basically why you’re still single, then you blame it on everything else other than you, hating woman are just a part of it. If someone doesn’t want to accept your way of living, then find someone else.
I’m not blaming anything. I’m well aware what an average semi attractive woman wants from a man. I will never be those things. That’s not me, I never cared about being those things.
Before I was in a relationship, I was 100% wrong about what “those things” actually are, for what that’s worth.
You’re a minority, women want most of the time chatting and socially active strong men able to carry a conversation, manly enough to create a home and have a decent amount of money but delicate enough to be romantic. I can’t do any of those things. Admit it, that’s the majority of women.
This is an incel attitude. The notion that “all women” want any single thing, let alone this caricature is gross. It’s insulting to women and men alike, and betrays that your mindset is immature, ill-informed, and toxic.
See, that’s what i’m saying.
You didn’t said anything. Again if what you had said was the truth then I wouldn’t be single.
That is also what I thought. And I was mostly wrong.
Everyone is unique. Stereotypes usually exist for reasons, but exceptions are much more common than I realized.
I am, genuinely, several of those things, at least a small fraction of the time.
But that’s not my secret.
I’ll share my key attributes that really worked:
Presently, how I maintain my relationship:
Stereotype exist because it’s a reality. You being lucky has nothing to do with that. I could try to do what you had done 50 times without any results.
So, have you been in past relationships where you learned this or from some sort of observation (going on dates for example)?
I’ve never been in a relationship. I know this by proxy, average, heard things, data. You don’t need to be in a relationship to notice these things dude. Again, if the requirements for a relationship would be as low as the other dude says they were, then people like me wouldn’t exist.