There’s this guy in my neighbourhood who apparently I find very attractive 😂 I didn’t realize that until recently, I always avoided him until one day I had to talk to him and I turned red and started smiling like an idiot.

This happened twice and both times, when I got home, I started crying… not because of what happened, but it felt as if I was losing something??

All I know about this “reaction” is that this guy isn’t my usual type, I just find him physically attractive and when I get home I cry and think about those guys I actually felt a lot for (mostly platonically) and it hurts 🤕 wtf

And today I was almost telling myself to “stay on track”??? Like thinking about the others and thinking “that’s the life you want, that’s what would make you happy” and just wishing this didn’t have such an effect on me.

    • jbrains@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      5 months ago

      I see. Thanks for answering. I can absolutely understand feeling confused when you don’t understand your own reaction/behavior.

      Often, this kind of intuitive reaction comes from some conditioning from your childhood. Somebody taught you “the right way to be” or “the right way to think” and even though you don’t need that any more, you’ve lived with it for such a long time that you’re following it without realizing that that’s what’s happening.

      Maybe that’s already enough for you to identify the cause: can you hear a voice from your past when you start crying? Can you already identify a person who might have taught you why you should be or must not be attracted to this kind of guy? Either you’re feeling something you were taught not to or not feelings something that they expect you to.

      If you can’t put your finger on it, then you might need to spend some time just letting your mind wander about it. Who taught me to want this kind of guy? Who taught me never to want this kind of guy? It might take time, but an idea or a memory might suddenly come to you, just by contemplating these questions.

      If that doesn’t work, then you might need to talk the question through with someone, such as a trusted friend or even a therapist. Sometimes having another person around when you think about this makes me say things out loud that I find easy to push away when I’m alone.

      And, of course, all this advice is based on the idea that you’re confused by how you’re reacting, and that understanding your reaction is important to you. Otherwise, it might be a giant waste of energy. That’s why I asked.

      Peace.