There’s this guy in my neighbourhood who apparently I find very attractive 😂 I didn’t realize that until recently, I always avoided him until one day I had to talk to him and I turned red and started smiling like an idiot.
This happened twice and both times, when I got home, I started crying… not because of what happened, but it felt as if I was losing something??
All I know about this “reaction” is that this guy isn’t my usual type, I just find him physically attractive and when I get home I cry and think about those guys I actually felt a lot for (mostly platonically) and it hurts 🤕 wtf
And today I was almost telling myself to “stay on track”??? Like thinking about the others and thinking “that’s the life you want, that’s what would make you happy” and just wishing this didn’t have such an effect on me.
Are you biologically female and cis? You guys have attraction for 2 types of guys, the long term, dependable type, and the physically attractive “stud” kind of guy. Obviously best combined in one person, I’m just talking about types of attraction.
But of course it’s hard to be such a “perfect specimen” and combine both types in one. Most men lean/optimize more the one direction than the other.
Now it’s quite obvious which type society conditions you to want - the long term kind of guy. You’re also getting a lot of “slut shaming” or puritan sex shaming type of conditioning from society which pushes you away from the physically attractive, dominant, “stud” type of guy.
But both attractions are still very real, you’re just being pushed in one direction and away from the other.
So for me it seems like you are in conflict with your natural attraction you have and the way society conditions you to behave. This conditioning is very strong, so that you consider giving in to your sexual desires impossible. As such, you feel a real sense of loss - you lose the opportunity to follow your desires, you “lose” this person you desire - and a feeling of loss makes you sad, so you cry.
Did you just… Say all cis women are attracted to 2 types men? A ‘stud’ and a ‘dependable’ type? Because they are also the only types and never shall the two combine?
Like, all of us women? All of us?
Which cartoon told you this? And who told you to repeat this strange teen movie trope with such a sense of confidence?
Wtaf
Did you just read someone’s comment with the least possible generosity you could? Why?
I have very few feelings of generosity for men explaining the apparently concrete and defined preferences of women, especially when they’re the dated, stereotypical and unfounded assertions that underpin the incel and PUA ideologies.
OP seems young and naive given the content of her question. His response to her gives her the impression of experience and a confidence in ‘how things are’ and it’s 4chan bullshit.
I’ll save my generosity for people more deserving.
You give yourself the impression of experience and confidence in ‘how things are’, I actually think you are the naive one. And assuming you’re not young since you called me that, I’d say you’re the dangerous type of naive.
Oh I read your responses and it confirmed my initial thoughts.
I had nothing useful to provide you in terms of your original post and others have attempted here and you seem happy with their answers.
But I don’t read tripe like the reductive, false waffle that guy wrote and not call it out. I write how I speak. I don’t speak in slogans so I’m not sure what you’re referring to.
I’m likely old in relative terms to you, yes. Young isn’t an insult. It’s contextualising my scorn (to use your word) for his response to someone who is.
You’re pretty fired up in your responses to me. I only hope you grow to direct that passion towards people espousing that drivel he wrote instead.
👏
Did you really just not even finish the first paragraph after reading the first sentence?.. The second sentence is literally “Obviously best combined in one person”
But just those 2 right? Because that’s… How our brains are wired or something? Based on… Something you saw in a movie from 1997 or something?
That’s not what it said at all but good for you people. Your thought says more about the way you are: don’t read, don’t understand but just speak in the way that gets you approval.
That’s NOT the meaning of the message, and before reading this comment I read it and totally got what it meant.
Simply put, one person wasn’t that worried about the upvotes but making the message easier = communicating with me, not thinking about how someone could take the initial draft of a thought just to find faults in it and twist it around.
And the other is here just for upvotes, didn’t even bother to answer my question ??
We could find faults in anyone’s answers here, but obviously you go for what would trigger most people and then you feel happy and satisfied. Even if you had understood the message and was doing it for the right purpose, that’s not the way to go about it. And the dynamic is pretty clear, just look at people’s reactions… Sad. When something gets hype on the internet there’s something wrong with it, just a reminder. Hope this clarifies things a bit.
If people wanted to readn and understand the whole message it is pretty clear, and clearly it was just an initial draft and clearly it could go different ways since he was just outlining his thought, “simple attraction to this, but society (…)” vs “commitment, normality, etc.”. And this outline can then be applied to the different things one could be judged for and the different things that different societies find normal.
Don’t assume others are as “stupid” as you are. Maybe sometimes it’s you who’s not comprehending. Also he’s talking about judgment and how that is wrong, wtf with you saying he’s saying just that? HE WAS TALKING AGAINST THAT.
SINCE LATER IN HIS POST HE TALKED ABOUT SLUT SHAMING IT’S PRETTY CLEAR HIS MESSAGE WAS NOT TO BE READ THE WAY YOU WANTED TO, CAUSE THAT’S NOT WHAT HE MEANT, THAT’S NOT THE WAY HE IS. So really shame on you for this, this to me is criminal.
This was just sad, annoying and useless in the way it was discussed with the misunderstood party AND useless to the entire post.
Stfu
I love you, you understand me. I completely agree with everything you wrote. Of course there aren’t only 2 types in total. I just thought what you wrote sounded like these 2 types.
And the answer to mine and the downvotes are exactly what I’m talking about, they are the social conditioning speaking. My views have to be dismissed without looking at what I’m actually saying, because it goes against this conditioning. No one is actually talking about your problem/issue/question anymore.
Luckily I don’t care about downvotes/disagreement. If someone is clearly not even reading past the first sentence I don’t need to spend my energy engaging with them more, trying to work against their offendedness.
Even the way you express yourself and use emphasis… Really I’m happy for you, you surely have no problem in navigating our kind of world.
This is so ridiculous, I’m glad I didn’t see this when answering him cause now I get it even better, how ridiculous it is.
Thank you 😊 I don’t get why the downvotes haha Lemmy is such a disappointment for now. I see why you’d think that based on my post and I would totally agree with that, were it the case.
The other guys I’m referring to were not what society is pushing me towards though! At least the way I see it. They were into arts and getting involved with it, hanging with “unusual” people (always to mean what’s expected and what’s not). They actually helped me go through many changes, just meeting them had this effect, I was in university and they had a big impact on me.
While with this guy, I think my brain is going “if something happened it would be it” like bye bye to all you ever wanted, don’t fall into that trap. Idk why. But it’s the opposite of what you said: I could never have something long term with those other guys and didn’t even want to, and I loved it that way. This guy and what he looks like for now would be normal and expected (just to follow this line of thought)
With this answer I would also change my answer. It seems to me simply that you have found “love on first sight”. For some reason this guy’s looks, smell, mannerisms, movements, whatever are all fitting together to make him extremely attractive to you. Seems like not your usual type but as you said, definitely attractive.
I’m not exactly sure why you cry xD but it could be because you’re feeling regret to not having approached him? Or it could be that you wish some of these other men were “like him” because you would like to be with them, but unfortunately they didn’t have that same spark with you?
Yes I think this is part of it :( Cause when crying I’m actually crying about the other guys
He was downvoted because saying “you guys have attraction for two types of guys” show a clear lack of understanding the complexity of the human kind. You can’t generalize and say that every single woman is attracted to two categories of men or at best a combination of two, that’s not how it works
well read my answer to that, but make sure you understand what you’re reading