Hello ladies (current and former) of Lemmy (current) - I’m curious how your experience of the male gaze has changed as you moved in and out of young-woman-hood.
How did the age and subjective dating quality of men change as you did, either through age, gender, or other physical changes? Do you get MORE attention now?
How has your opinion of being seen changed through this process?
I’ve lost weight (finally in the healthy range for my height) and I’ve noticed more guys look at me when I walk by than when I was overweight. I don’t mind and it doesn’t really affect me. I decided a long time ago that what people think about me is their own business and idgaf.
I’ve also got catcalled more while walking, which is not fun and does bother me.
Have you ever gotten the classic whistle? I feel like that’s just in movies.
I’ve gotten the whistle. Only when I was a teenager though. Seems the type of man who whistles doesn’t like adult women
Have you gotten the guy in a pickup pulling up to ask if you’re single like one of the other responders?
No, more like “Hey, baby!” and “Nice ass!” A couple of times they yelled, “Bitch!” or something similar after, which makes me feel a bit threatened so I watch for the car the rest of the walk, which is annoying and inconvenient.
I wonder if that stuff ever works and guys hear about a friend of a friend who got a date that way, or if they’re all just independantly shouting into the void.
I could almost imagine someone responding positively to “nice ass”, but “Bitch” is just obviously never gonna work. That’s some incel energy there.
I think it’s about power or a different mindset (as in, “they will take it as a compliment”). And the “Bitch” was only after I didn’t turn around to look at them when they yelled the “compliment”, I think. They didn’t get the response they wanted so they determined I was a bitch.
I try to do drive by compliments, but not while literally driving … Just stuff like “cool hat!” and walk off so they don’t need to respond or engage with me.
I would like to be told I have a nice ass, but that’s because it doesn’t happen (even though I think I deserve it). It sounds like being hit on often cheapens it.
I do drive-by compliments too, especially if someone is sporting a fandom I like. I think it’s different when it’s a stranger complimenting a body feature - it implies sexual attraction which can feel objectifying and, unfortunately in the world we live in, unsafe. I don’t know this person, I just know they felt comfortable enough to anonymously shout a comment about a sexual part of my body, so what else do they feel comfortable enough to do?
Gotcha. Yeah, I would never comment on a stranger’s body/face/smell. Even if I don’t mean anything by it, creepy is in the eye of the beholder.