Context for this: I grew up in a quite rural village but most of the time I am not there, since I study somewhere else(where my social transition is quite far, so that almost all people I know/care about know it and i very rarely get misgendered/deadnamed). When I am back at home I am an active member of 2 two clubs. I have not outed myself in my village for one reason: Talking. The people around here like to talk a lot of shit and imagine the wildest stuff ever. To avoid this I am planning to drop my coming out out of the void on the yearly general meeting. This means, that the people I am around know what the reality is and I can therefore avoid them maybe asking questions eventually forcing me to come out.

To eliminate any risks of other people learning about me being trans before I chose I since then avoided to tell my family my new name (they do know Im trans), since I dont want them to get used to my new name/pronouns and then accidentally drop them in a conservation with someone else.

Now to my main problem/rant:

Im currently back at home with my family until about the start of October and it fucking hurts getting called a boy all of the time. It hurts having to hear my old name all the time. It hurts hearing male pronouns used on me all the time. as much as I hate these things, I can not really tell them to use my new name/pronouns, since I want to absolutely avoid them accidentally dropping it. This means, that I will have to suffer for about one month until Im leaving my hometown again for the new semester. The good thing is, that in November the general meeting from one of the clubs is, so I can finally do my coming out there and around my local friend group. Im just hoping that everything works out fine, since the pepple here tend to be much more conservative. Another thing that is also absolutely terrible is, that I dont have any skirts to hop into when Im in my room (I did not bring any with me and Im also not ready to let my family see me in one) and it quite sucks that I wasnt able to bring my Blahaj with me due to limited space and me wanting to bring quite a lot of other stuff.At least I have a second pillow, that i can cuddle with, even tho it is by no means capable of being a replacement for my Blahaj its better than nothing.

I am quite lucky, that the constant deadnaming/misgendering does not trigger that much dysphoria for me, but it still always hurt a little bit. I know, that its not really their fault, but it kinda looks like they are trying to ignore me being trans, even tho I know it is not the case.