If so, does that mean people actually remember a persons name & face after only one encounter?!
If not, why do we pretend they will be upset, and try to hide the fact that we forget an unfamiliar name?
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People get upset if you part your hair wrong. Forgetting a name hasn’t gotten me killed yet but stranger things have happened.
I can remember someone’s name after one meeting but when I can’t it makes me feel awkward. I feel less awkward when 9 times out of 10 they forgot meeting me the first time.
I don’t, but I also don’t remember anyone’s name, either, so I might just be expecting the same treatment. If anything, it’s just awkward because the other person is being apologetic about it, not realising that in about 5 seconds I’m going to ask them the same question…
Yes. If I forgot someone’s name after meeting them it would be like me saying “you’re not important enough to me to remember your name.” It’s especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.
It’s especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.
What if that number is zero?
I’m not sure whether my neighbours of 5 years will be upset and at this point I’m too afraid to find out.
It really depends on the context. What was the first encounter? If it was a first date, then yeah, that’s brutal and you suck. If it was a quick intro at a busy event, it’s almost expected.
There’s a bit of a difference between names and faces. Forgetting a name is like forgetting a piece of trivia, but if you meet and speak to somebody and can’t recognize them in a different context (and they look basically the same), it can send a signal that you didn’t find them memorable (and you didn’t lol).
The only time in my life when I found it irritating was my best friend’s roommate who, after hanging out with them in small groups dozens of times for hours each time, still kept introducing herself to me on subsequent visits. I could never figure out if it was drugs, a method of humour or flirting I didn’t understand, or she was really that oblivious to other people.
I was on a third date, and we met an acquaintance of mine. I went to introduce them and blanked. Worse, I went for what I thought I remembered, which ended up close enough to be culturally insensitive. His name was Franz and I said Fritz and he was pretty hurt.
How is that culturally insensitive?
He was Austrian in Germany and those are both very stereotypically Austrian names.
That just seems petty. They both sound like generic German names to me. There even used to be a Kaiser named Fritz. Just recently I was asking someon “was your name James?” reply: “no, Jason”. It was a non-issue
He also had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it, to be fair.
On the remembering faces topic: I want to tell you about a condition called face blindness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia
And people might not even realize they have it.
At work I once told the customer to stop talking during the presentation because I didn’t recognize them as our customer.
I have face blindness. It was an innocent mistake but wow do I regret doing that.
One time, decades ago, I was drunk at a house party and kept calling a woman by the wrong name. Eventually her friend got really mad at me. I have no idea why I couldn’t remember her real name.
Some people do get upset; some people don’t.
The easily upset don’t—or refuse to—understand that 1) some of us have brains that just don’t remember people’s names very well, and that 2) they should get over themselves.
I would go as far to say that most ‘peoples brains’ dont remember new names well, unless there is a strong emotion tied to the meeting of a new person (hate, fear, infatuation, etc) then its easy to forget what someone said by the time you have made some introductory small talk and moved on to a conversation topic or had to break off the conversation and go elsewhere.
I find i either have to have somebody else say their name a lot for it to stick or i mentally break off from the conversation when i can get away with it and in mind find a way of remembering their name with a trick like associating it with a similar sounding word, or a famous actor with the same/similar name, etc.
I can give a tangent I suppose. I, like many have a first and last name. I prefer… Military style (no idea what to call it, if it has a proper name). I’ve gone by this for 25+ years. I’ll introduce myself as such to people I know, work with, etc. and there’s usually questions… Which I can understand, generally it’s people not believing that that’s my name. Either it sounds too absurd to be a name or it is too absurd to be a first minute, we’re honestly I totally get. A quick show of their driver’s license usually sorts it out. And most people will refer to me as my last name. Only occasion someone will use my first name and it doesn’t really bother me, usually. (And just be clear I don’t use it like how a teacher would I use it like as if it was a first name that makes sense…).
When it does bother me is when it becomes obvious that the person is going out of their way to make sure they use only my first name. Because it is a clear sign of disrespect. And in almost every single case it’s clear that the person thinks they’re the first person to think of this and they think they’re clever and that I don’t notice. The most blatant was as individual started to say my last name, immediately stopped after the first few letters, and switched to my first name… It cannot have been more obvious that was intentional.
If it’s a clear sign of disrespect, can you say why the person wanted to disrespect you?
Depends, in my experience.
In High School, I forgot someone’s name, and being autistic and all, I just said outright “You, I forgot your name”. We knew each other and all, but I have an issue associating people’s face to a name. Of course, they were upset, but since they used sarcasm I had a hard time figuring it out (autism) until one of my friends asked me why I said that, and told me it was impolite.
Now I basically explain that I have trouble remembering names, and usually my new friends understand. I guess you just need to say that you usually have trouble with it and you should be fine.
The trick is to call everyone boss, then you don’t need to remember their name.
I always lead by stating I suck at remembering names, which usually works. Still I understand why some get upset, because they themselves spend a lot of time and energy cramming names. I too cram names if they’re needed in a work function.
I always preface with the fact I’m bad at names. I forget names of coworkers I’ve spent years with. Even friend’s names sometimes. In fact, I does not even have to be a person or animal’s name, jus the name of something. Places, objects, locations, etc. I frequent a park that has sentimental value and I couldn’t tell you the name off the top of my head.
A friend of mine has a joke that I always get the letter wrong. Usually I’ll say “I think it starts with [letter]” and most times it’s incorrect.
Usually there are ways around it since I’ve been told it’s rude, but nobody has ever outwardly told me they were unhappy I’ve forgotten. Typically they will notice I forget other names before it becomes a problem with them.
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Only if i have fairly consistent interaction with them
I was a low level IT guy many years ago and had worked for the company for about 4 years. There was a sales guy also named Bob that I would help out a few times a year. It was a small company, around 50 employees, and every year at the company Christmas party sales guy Bob would come up to me and say “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Bob”.
That pissed me off, but it is the only time I can remember where I was upset someone didn’t remember my name.
me hearing a person’s name once during being introduced
me… minutes later realizing that there is just a blank spot in my memory where there name should be
me… waiting for months hoping that somebody uses their name around me in a context that attaches a name to that person because I’m too much of a coward to ask the person directly
