So, I’m going to be the best man in my friend’s wedding. I’m very flattered to have the honor. He’s one of my closest friends, and I have no problem supporting him as his best man/best trans.
Furthermore, I’m out to him, and he has made it clear that he wants me to show up in whatever way makes me the most comfortable. I’ve picked out a dress, started taking voice lessons, and plan on getting my hair and makeup done professionally.
I don’t feel dysphoric at all about filling a traditionally male role, but…
How the fuck do I write a speech? A lot of best men seem to give speeches that joke about their ‘bromance’ with the groom and all that, which I find to be wholly inappropriate in my scenario.
My first thought was poking fun at picking a woman for best man, but some of his family are transphobic and I don’t want to rely on gender humor out of fear that they stew in their transphobia and say something to ruin his wedding. Then I thought maybe I could crack a joke or two about being trans - but I also don’t want to lean into the self-deprecation so much that I validate anyone’s transphobia.
So, how do I even approach this?
I was thinking I could open with, “When the groom asked me to be his best man, I said, ‘sit down, there’s something you should know.’”
Maybe I’m overthinking it, but this is a friend who has been there for me in the past. I want to fill my role in his wedding perfectly. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.
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The speech should be about what you admire about your friend, and his partner. I wouldn’t even mention you being trans unless that’s a large part of your friendship.
Introduce yourself, tell a fun story that highlights what a great guy he is, explain how the couple is perfect for each other, and invite everyone to have a wonderful time.
And if you do want to bring out a good quality in your friend while also addressing you being trans, you’ve already shared a beautiful anecdote with the post.
Something along the lines of:
When your friend’s bestman became their bestwoman, they didn’t go ask someone else to take on the job - they were supportive and understanding and told you all they wanted for you was to be comfortable and still make a speech.
That’s true love. They care about what’s on the inside, not the outside. And you being there giving the speech is proof of that.
And it goes without saying that the bride is exceptionally beautiful but, knowing your friend, bride is even more beautiful on the inside.
Echoing the suggestions from others, don’t mention being trans or strangeness at being best (wo)man. You don’t need to explain yourself or anything, just talk about your friendship with the groom, the happiness you’ve seen in the couple, talk about things they share that make them such a strong couple, and if you wanna bring some humour you can always share a story that might (lightly!) embarrass the groom but that you can use to maybe highlight a positive quality he has or talk about how he’s grown since then.
Your role there is to give the guests some insight from a close friend into the couple’s relationship and how special it is, and to help the newlyweds feel the strength of their relationship as they solidify it with their marriage. You can talk about yourself if it genuinely comes up in what you want to say, of course, but only if it’s something that’s ultimately more about the couple.
If you can’t find a way to do humor you could just be genuine and sincere.
Genuine sincerity is the large majority of what I have planned for the speech. However, he and the bride are already a little bit in defense mode, as their families include some transphobes.
It may not end up being the right call once I draft and edit the speech, but I’d like to try to do something to lighten the mood.
