I saw the entire original broadcast run of Clerks: The Animated Series. All both episodes.

Only six episodes were produced, and they eventually aired, but I did not find this out until years later. The internet ended a longstanding era where you could be aware of and interested in something, but know fuck-all about it, and have no sensible way of learning more. So I’d heard of Kevin Smith movies - but never seen any. Watching the Clerks movie would have taken a trip to a physical video-rental store, with my parents, and then convincing them (and myself) to rent a vulgar black-and-white movie for all of us to watch together. Wasn’t happening.

I was more likely to rent and watch any of the R-rated films that somehow got cartoon adaptations - which were part of that same impotent awareness. Robocop and Ghostbusters and fuckin’ Starship Troopers were advertised anywhere and everywhere, and kids liked the shallow cool parts in the trailers, so executives said “fuck it” and licensed no-budget G-rated spinoffs to sell toys.

Anyway. The Clerks animated series exists because Disney wanted an adult-ish show to compete with The Simpsons. Everyone did. Disney knew they had a gap in their demographics for twenty-something dorks with disposable income. Aaand then they handed the finished episodes to ABC, who used a focus group of old farts and children. Of course it bombed. The premiere was the fourth episode produced, which stuck the characters in a courtroom drama, and ended with a wacky consequence-free style change wherein the outsourced animators rebelled and delivered a lolrandom dance party. The second and final episode aired was a fake clip show full of flashbacks to episodes that did not exist.

At least Clone High got an entire season.

As a kid, I once killed a fly by squeezing an empty yogurt bottle, propelling the lid of said bottle and squatting the fly on the wall. I did that on purpose and it took some attempts.

This is a lame burn, and a crappy post. If you don’t like the movie why not just say that instead of a half-assed attempt to be witty? What didn’t you like about it?

Broken neck and back. Don’t recommend.
★☆☆☆☆

I failed linear algebra twice and barely passed the third time.

I was on a plane that made an emergency landing. It was a lot less scary or exciting than it sounds. Our plane was leaking hydraulic fluid, so we diverted to a closer airport to land while the landing gear could still be lowered with hydraulics. The landing was uneventful, but I did get to see a flash of emergency vehicles with their lights on along the runway.

Been in a plane crash.

It was a Beech 18 that experienced fuel starvation on climb out. The pilot raised the gear and belly landed it in a freshly tilled corn field off the end of the runway. It was a lot like being in a car accident, just lasted longer with a lot more rending metal noises. The port engine was ripped off and was sitting about 50 feet behind where the plane came to rest.

It wasn’t cool, believe me…

I have flown from the Garden State to the Sunshine State in two different countries.

I watched every minute of Francis Ford Coppola’s “Megalopolis” in a movie theater.

physically mailed requests to opt out of binding arbitration agreements

I used to believe there were a ton of things that the universe decided to fuck me in particular. Turns out, it was autisim.

I’m the first of my kind to land on a payroll on my line of work in my country. I’m the reason my job recognized in the national job definitions papers.

I exemplified other companies that we’re worth permanent hiring, so I know at least 50 people got permanent jobs a few years after I did.

(We’re usually hired for gigs or projects)

I might be the only American to have applied for a light sport flight instructor certificate on physical paper, and I believe I caused an update to the IACRA system.

For those unaware, IACRA is the system for applying for airman certificates online. Instead of mailing a paper 8710 to Washington you fill it out on one of the US government’s many shitass fuckchild web 0.8 websites. The FAA isn’t as bad as the FCC on that front but shew buddy.

I was applying for a light sport flight instructor certificate. One of the prerequisites for this is a credential in the Fundamentals of Instruction. Per the FARs, this can be:

• A passing score on an FAA FoI knowledge test (70 or better) within the last 24 months
• Holder of at least a Basic Ground Instructor certificate
• A state issued teacher’s certificate for grade 7 or higher, or
• A job as a college professor

I had taken and passed the FoI test, but the 24 month mark was rapidly approaching before I could arrange the practical test, so I took the BGI test (which is another knowledge test) flew to the FSDO in Greensboro, filled out a form, and one clammy government handshake later I was a ground instructor. Ground instructor certificates don’t expire so that effectively eliminated the time constraint on the FoI test result.

Checkride time approached, it was time to fill out the 8710…IACRA had no way of accepting a BGI certificate number as the FoI prerequisite. It was designed to only accept a LaserGrade test result, there wasn’t a way to use the other legal prerequisite types. So I had to print out a physical 8710 and mail it to Washington. Last I heard of the matter, my DPE let me know she had contacted somebody at the FAA about the matter, so teachers, professors and ground instructors should be able to correctly apply for a flight instructor certificate now.

I used to think that all the times I had to survive drowning were unique, until I met my coworker who almost drowned to death in the same wavepool as me, despite us growing up in two seperate states a few hundred miles apart.

I still hope drowning three times is fairly uncommon, but at least one of those pools is just hella dangerous I guess.

Ate a whole bar of soap in high school. I was in a military school, and it was an initiation/bet in a certain extracurricular group.

At practice one day, they asked if anyone wanted to earn $300. All the hands shot up.Then they asked if anyone wanted to eat soap. All hands drop. Then, they asked if anyone wanted to eat a bar of soap for $300. Me and one other dude raised our hands again. After practice we went back to the dorm of one of the group leaders where they laid out the rules: entry fee is $25. One bar of soap, cut into six pieces. The four smaller pieces are too be eaten in one bite, chewed minimum of ten times, and swallowed. The two bigger pieces had to be bitten in half, chewed, and swallowed. If you got all the soap down, you had to keep it down for 15 minutes. If you get this far, you keep all the entry fees of everyone that’s failed before you.

Guy before me taps out halfway through. I finish, and hold it down for the required 15 minutes, as the leaders get more and more agitated. After i win and they give me my money, I’m informed that I’ve just ruined the party they hold every year after the last major inspection is completed. Turns out, they’ve been running this scam for years as a way to grift money from younger members to fund their own shenanigans. I’m told that I’m not to return to practice the following day, as I’m not longer a member of the club.

Joined yearbook instead, and bought a lot of pizza for my friends that semester.