There is a parking garage exit gate in my area that says “drive safely” in a very ominous condescending voice. I don’t appreciate that at all.
What you speak of is heresy brother. You know not the weakness of the flesh. The Omnissiah grants me strength and life with each step I take towards The Machine.
[error] Damn, not found!
Have I strayed from the path that The Omnissiah has laid out for me?
You have. Now go commit penance so as to hopefully be granted forgiveness in the eyes of the Omnissah.
Our tech priest has spoken.
I wish fucking supermarkets would understand this. I don’t have to be told in a super loud fucking annoying voice that I need to place the object in the bagging area, or switch to the other machine to use my card. I’ve already hit the fucking button to use the cc machine, you fucking nonces! I’ve already placed the goddamn stupid fucking bananas in the stupid fucking bagging area, shut the fuck up! AAAAAH!
It’s even worse now because you used to be able to mute the mother fucker, but now they’ve disabled that option.
You may not but many people do need to be told what to do.
Sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to remove the mute button or make it so damn loud.
Granma Mabel who is 94 but still insists on buying her own groceries needs it to be that damn loud and it’s easier for the supermarkets to just make that the default option. I only defend it because it makes practical sense, I don’t like it that loud either.
But, agreed, for the love of fuck, give me the mute button. Please.
Bonus pro tip: all the annoying gas station screens that blare ads and tiktoks at you can also usually be muted. All the ones in my area have 8 unmarked soft buttons around the screen and the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button. It seems consistent across all brands of gas station with ad screens.
the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button.
I’m trying this the next time I pull up to a Shell station. I hate feeling like I’m in a Ford truck commercial thanks to that music they play every time I fill up there.
I usually say, “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice.” Sometimes the people around me chuckle. Other times they look at me like I’m crazy. Both are valid.
I think you should update it to “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice that stole someones job.”
Imagine going to a supermarket with a real cashier instead.
I just wear noise cancelling earbuds when shopping and listen to my podcasts
I’ve had good luck with Walmart self-checkouts, they seem to trust you are doing the right thing. Price Chopper stores though… my god.
“Please place the item in the bag”
“Please remove the item from the bag, and start again” (yes with the pause)
“Do you have any coupons?”
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
NO! SHUT UP!
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
That one’s actually kinda useful, TBH. I used to work as a bagger, and it’s surprising how many times shoppers forget (whether intentionally or not) they put a pack of water bottles or tissue paper or something on the bottom of the cart.
The others are just annoying, though.
You can either subscribe to silence or have intermittent silence supported by ads. You have the freedom to choose.
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, ‘Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.’
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ‘I can hear you.’
‘Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
‘And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"
‘I understand.’
‘OK,’ said Zaphod, tensing himself, ‘open now.’
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.
‘Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?’ said the door out loud.
— Life, the Universe, and Everything
The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”
— Ubik
I need to re-listen to those books. They’re sooo good.
This is a great meme and all, but if a machine is telling you something out loud that is already being displayed on a screen, that feature most likely exists to help blind / visually impaired people.
Who cares about them anyway?
Not many people, judging from the amount of text messages my nearly blind relative gets demanding confirmations and such because they cant bother to call someone who is medically documented and who has informed them about their inability to do such things due to poor vision
Yes, even their fucking eye doctor
This isn’t intended to sound insensitive and is meant as a question: don’t phones have accessibility features for the blind to help them read and reply to texts and do other stuff? (I mean, I know they do, but I don’t know yo what extent they’re actually helpful.)
1 ms after paying for your groceries: “PLEASE REMOVE ALL BAGS! You forgot to take the bags off! Don’t leave without your purchase! These bags feel like a burning fire to me, so get them off as quick as possible so that the next person in line can start their purchase! Aaaaah, go away!”
Repost but I don’t mind! Love this
I find it funny how whoever originally created this meme somehow ended up using a picture of Macintosh II (or IIx, IIfx) to represent a computer. An over 30 yo mahcine, which while capable of speech synthesis is not going to talk to you without being requested, unless you’ve configured something very incorrectly.
Feels a bit like a floppy disk still being the save icon; computers are still being presented with floppy drives and a CRT monitor in clip-art and such.
Why is this on shit posts?
“Please take all your products off the bagging area” and other spoken words feels soo condescending.
Just do a “dud” for when I scan “dud dud dud” when I do something wrong and “deet deet” when I need to weigh stuff. When I’m bagging just leave me the f alone.
I do not have this weakness. My computer is somewhat of a waifu already and once we have sex robots i want them to answer my request with “Yes daddy” and “I would love to, daddy”. Cringe all you want, the future is ours.
Fuck AI and all. I’m on board with that, sure. Divine being though? Nope, we’re animals and divinity isnt a thing.
I interpreted it as a sarcastic exaggeration, like all animals are “divine” compared to machines
Lets go ancient roman on their ass!
post-singularity sovcit
